Fireball to make whisky from human tears

American football fans tasting defeat, save your tears – Fireball hopes to make a new whisky with them.

Known for its flagship cinnamon-flavoured whisky, the Sazarec-owned brand’s latest innovation will look to ramp up game-day tensions, ‘collecting the tears of losing rival football fans’ and distilling them in a whisky dubbed Crierball.

To do this, the brand’s personnel – who will be wearing red Fireball Tear Collector uniforms – will pitch up near the stadiums of November’s most anticipated National Football League (NFL) and collegiate rivalry games, asking (weeping) fans on the end of the wrong result to donate their tears for the ‘noble cause’.

Losing fans who want to process the result this way can find the Fireball Tear Collectors at the following games:

 

 

  • 2 November: Florida Gators vs. Georgia Bulldogs in Athens, GA
  • 10 November: Philadelphia Eagles vs. Dallas Cowboys in Dallas, TX
  • 17 November: Green Bay Packers vs. Chicago Bears in Chicago, IL
  • 17 November: Baltimore Ravens vs. Pittsburgh Steelers in Pittsburgh, PA
  • 30 November: Auburn Tigers vs. Alabama Crimson Tide in Tuscaloosa, AL
  • 30 November: Michigan Wolverines vs. Ohio State Buckeyes in Columbus, OH

One might assume the limited edition whisky will feature a salty profile, perhaps with a hint of bitterness, provided enough tears are collected by Fireball’s team.

Danny Suich, global brand director for Fireball, said: “In football, few things – aside from Fireball, of course – are better than the sweet taste of victory, especially when that W comes at the expense of your biggest rivals.

“Our brand is all about embracing that competitive spirit, but amping it up with a little more spice. We’re on a mission to capture the soul of rivalries – AKA the tears of losers – at this season’s biggest games. The expected result? A one-of-a-kind whisky bottling that is sure to become the ultimate showpiece allowing for supreme bragging rights next season.”

Fireball added there is no limit on the quantity of tears – so, devastated fans trying to hold it all in: cry away. In fact, the brand points out that ‘the more bawling, the more tears for future whisky infusion’.

To ensure Crierball meets health safety regulations, Suich says the tears “will undergo a meticulous, months-long process of sterilisation and distillation”.

He added: “Our plan is to have this salty-cinnamon innovation ready for the next football season so the victorious can hold last season’s triumph over their rivals’ heads for just a little bit longer.”

The Crierball campaign follows another sport fandom-inspired campaign from the brand earlier in the year, Ignite your Rivalry, which showed how far fans go to support their teams.

Away from sport, the brand also created a Fireball Garter in August, which was one of our top marketing moves for the month.

Summing up the spirit of Crierball, the brand added; ‘This first-of-its-kind offering promises to capture the true spirit of game day, blending the emotion of nail-biting finishes and heartbreak with Fireball’s iconic cinnamon-sweet flavour that’s sure to score big with fans.

Should it come to fruition, perhaps Crierball could be one of our top innovative spirits launches for 2025…

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Author: Rupert Hohwieler